Saddest thing in the whole wide world…

See your baby with another girl. Right? Everyone of a certain age knows the lyrics to “Sally Go Round The Roses”, the Jaynetts’ huge 1963 hit.

For years, I didn’t really give much thought to the question of what the saddest thing in the whole wide world really was. I figured the Jaynetts had settled the issue and I could think about other things. But a couple of years ago, I saw something which was way sadder than seeing your baby with another girl. I haven’t mentioned it to anyone until now. Too sad.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m one of those curmudgeons who likes animals a lot more than people. I like all animals, dogs in particular. I even like animals that don’t like me, though most of them can figure out I’m not a threat and are neutral at worst. I still think every day about the first and best friend I ever had, a beautiful girl .

Before I went away to summer camp one year, I went over to a neighbor’s house to say goodbye. My friend followed me and waited by the front door. I stupidly left via the back door and forgot about her. Later I found out she didn’t leave the neighbor’s door for three days, apparently thinking I was still inside.

If you ask most people about the happiest day of their life, they’ll say it was their wedding day, or the day their child was born, or the war ended, or something like that. I would too, I guess, though one moment stands out for me even now as perhaps the happiest moment of my life. When I came back from summer camp, my friend went absolutely insane with joy that I had returned. It was like one of those Youtube videos where the soldier returns from deployment and his dog sees him for the first time in months or years and just flips out. Only more so.

My friend’s total happiness made me totally happy, and I learned something then which I know with absolute certainty: animals have emotions. Just like us. You will often hear people say they couldn’t possibly, but I can tell you with 100% confidence that those people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Which brings me back to the saddest thing. Did you know Canada Geese are monogamous and mate for life? I didn’t either until a couple of years ago.

Mom and Dad, with chicks

On my daily bike ride around the Charles River three years ago, I saw a dead Canada Goose lying right next to the path. It looked like she had a broken neck, but I wasn’t sure. I wondered how it happened. Maybe some kid threw a rock at her, or fired a BB gun, or maybe she was hit by a bike. God knows there are so many geese around the river these days that they’re competing with walkers and bikers for the path, and they’re not shy about asserting their rights, either! They make a mess, too (but I still like them).

It was pretty sad seeing the poor goose like that, but it got sadder. The next day on my ride, I saw that she was still there, but her mate was now there too, keeping a vigil, or waiting for her to “wake up”, or just bereft without a clue as to what to do next. And they were both there the following day, too, and the day after. On the fourth day, I changed my route. I just didn’t want to keep seeing anything that sad anymore. The saddest thing in the whole wide world is one beautiful, innocent animal grieving the death of another.

One of the things that separates us from the animals is that they’re not aware of their own mortality. We know we’re going to die at some point, but they really don’t, and maybe they don’t even comprehend what death is. But that doesn’t mean they don’t experience grief. I know they do.

So how come I’m writing about this sad thing now after not mentioning it for years? This story about a really silly woman shooting a giraffe for fun made me think of it.

Giraffes aren’t monogamous and don’t mate for life. I’m not sure if the other giraffes grieve for one that has been senselessly assassinated. But we can.

Mrs. Stewie Generis makes a new friend